my sons girlfriend doesn t like me

And that will drive them both away. Well, he turned 18 in July of that year, and then informed us that he was giving up his full-ride scholarship to the out of state college to stay closer to this girl (she is a year younger). Try to treat him like the independent young man he has become. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content. Thanks for stopping by! Going through serious life stuff. What would you suggest at this point? This girl would drive to our house every weekend (15 hours) to spend 1 1/2-2 days with my son. He sees your disapproval as criticism of his life choice. We have tried to give our son his space, included her in many family gatherings, dinners, etc. My mom, myself, my family, we didn't celebrate Mom's day this year. You may want to introduce an activity that keeps them occupied instead of spending time with the manipulative partner. I treated her like a daughter (I don't have a daughter). now he drinks, does weed and cigs. This is a tough one. also, this girl has done some things that have been very disturbing as well, that would scare any mother. He came back after a year, when I contacted him, told him we all loved him, missed him dearly and we enjoyed the next 18 months together as a family. Parenting teenagers is not easy, but understanding the issues they struggle with can help everyone involved. It sounds as though she has problems and your son might have his own self-esteem issues so that he feels better than she is, that he doesn't deserve better or that he can help/save her. But there is hope. I tried to open up to her about certain topics, which got a little emotional due to my time of the month and she completely ignored me and started doing something else and ignored the fact that I was crying for help and comfort in a time of need. He is an adult and doesn't seem to be concerned about her sitting around smoking all day, not cleaning up or contributing to the bills. My son who is still in college for another at least 3 yrs. Then there was the mornings she would stay in bed and my son trying to wake her but she wouldn't get up. If she is trying to distance him from you or his family. Keep the porch light on and the door unlocked. If you withdraw your love, she'll only resent your fianc for it. My son is now with an old woman, closer to my age than his. And instead of providing your opinions, point out the indisputable facts. Please remember to keep everything positive and loving or your mother will accuse your new wife as the bringing of bad feelings or coming between mother and son. If you were hurt, she will be slow to warm up to another woman in your love life. What's your favorite food? We feel so sorry for him as it is obvious at times he feels so pulled from pillar to post. But shrug your shoulders and say, "It's your life. The fact that they began to date when she was only 15 shows me that he might like playing the older, wiser man. You don't have to admit to anything you're NOT sorry for but do apologize for letting your anger and frustration get the best of you and do tell him that you regret ever telling him to move out. It's totally crappy and feels like a can't-win situation, but what happens between them is 100% out of your control. Asks them questions about how they feel about their situation. Being manipulated to the point where he cannot see friends without her & is changing his personality, kind and helpful but not allowed to help his family move house without her creating a huge amount of stress on him taking a night away. This content is accurate and true to the best of the authors knowledge and is not meant to substitute for formal and individualized advice from a qualified professional. I said okay, but changed his mind and said, give me $30 instead because I want to treat "the girl" with me! But those first loves are the hardest to get over. I have a son, only child, he just turned 18 and just graduated from high school. You dont want to hurt his feelings, lose their trust or worse, and they will take you as a controlling parent. If she is emotionally abusive/manipulative, she will expertly use your criticisms of her to drive a wedge between you and your son. This is my first post and I'm really hoping for some advice. We expressed that it wasn't that we didn't like this girl as a person and that we understood that everyone is "broken" in some wayand some people are worth fixingand that everyone deserves to be lovedbut this woman needs to fit into his life, his lifestyle, which includes his family. Her mother sees your disapproval as meddling and controlling your son's life. He feels protective. Plus, she is the mother of your one-year-old. we will never accept her we just don't know what to do. Scarlet and I do not speak. When You Don't Like Your Son's Girlfriend. Instead, I would open dialogue gently. She has always made up some excuse except when Christmas camethen she wanted to go to the big family Christmas gathering. It's clear our son spends a great deal of time and energy taking care of his girlfriend and making her feel secure and content, although she is rarely content for long. Where is this leading him? 10 Things Your Son's Girlfriend Wants You To Know - Woman's Day Make it a warm and inviting offering. The VERY 1st time I met her did not turn out goodclothing (left nothing to ghe imagination); cussed horribly (every other word was the F bomb); and she was SO extremely disrespectful to my son (he just stood there like a deer caught in the headlights and took it). Watching your kid with a controlling significant other can be challenging. To Roxanne: Yours is an extreme example of how tough it is to cope with your son't girlfriend. She is constantly saying she and her baby are sick, so my son brought some things to me to laundry since he was working extended hours after finding that he himself didn't have clothing and that is when I discovered all the toddler and infant clothing covered with mold and mildew. Talking to your son about sex is scary enough but talking to him about what and when it is okay to touch someone and when it's not can be even harder. ParentalQuestions.com 2021 All rights reserved. Bryanne Salazar. To make matters worse, the car she arrived in was dirty and she made no effort to clean their hotel room up. We did this due to her poor attitude and disrespect towards me and my fiance. What is it like there? My son is 16 and his girlfriend is 17. Generally, women who go into nursing are very nurturing, patient and compassionate people. She hasn't wanted to get to know our family from the beginning. They're just now experiencing some measure of independence. She lied about being pregnant last year, she has cheated on him and he still chooses her. How do you intervene without becoming an anti-girlfriend bad guy? "My fianc really respects you, mom, because you are so ____ and she needs a role model for that." What are their reasons? But if we could prevent that, if he could trust us his family who loves him unconditionally and forever, could he rethink this choice? Believe me, he will want to hang onto that. She is disrespectful, leaves things all over the place, waste food, milk..etc, she is rude to anyone that is not one of her few personal friends and she only has a couple. We were trying to give him support until he found his first professional job. But this is not just a girlfriend. I treated her like a daughter (I don't have a daughter). This is the mother of your child and the mother of her grandchild. I guess what i am trying to tell you is don't do what i did and TELL him all the red flags you see. Did you criticize them a lot? The second court notice (this time with a mediator). We spent a week at the beach for spring break just last week and had another girl with us my younger sons girlfriend, Matts girlfriend in a full 7 days never spoke to her once it was obvious she was jealous, I cannot even imagine not speaking a week to someone that I was in the same condo with. Sad thing is, he doesn't realize that he is hurting himself more than anyone else with this hopefully short-lived experimentation. He sold the Camaro he had(that he owed money to his older brother for and used what he got for it to put more towards the new 2016 car he purchased for his girlfriends parents). Here, I highlight the most common problems faced by teenagers today. Then things got even worse. The first two weeks of uni he is already not making lectures & wants to defer; he is already aware he is failing and needs to quit. All she talks about is herself. I thought this was bad enough! I am new to mumsnet, and I'm not actually a woman, hope this isn't an issue. Why would my son stay with a girl that threatened to beat my butt and call me horrible names? You have time on your side. Family is forever. In this way, you will show him that it isn't that you do not "like" the girl. He ended up in the psych center twice, cops wold get called to my house while I'd be at work, he dropped out of school due to the constant drama. If you are together in 5 years when college is over great, but don't miss out on so much of your young lives. There are a lot more resources for grandparents today. He has no contact with his own young teen sister other that to be nasty & derogatory. She may even be jealous of your guy friends. I don't want to talk to my son. Anyways, she began cutting herself when they fought which made him distraught. Dear Amy: My 18-year-old son (who is in high school) has had a girlfriend for the past year. I have proof that this girl was a stripper and a prostitute! What she doesn't know won't hurt her, and so she can continue being the sweet, considerate future daughter-in-law and melt away your mother's disapproval with kindness in time. She might behave in ways that he wishes he could or at least in ways that seem very different from his perhaps sheltered life. But, Dave, remember one important thing: This woman is not a mere girlfriend. I greatly appreciate your feedback. How to Choose the Right Toddler Girl Outdoor Coat? I didn't smother her with love just showed her that she was special. Your son is always a victim of the blame game. Your son may be too hooked in love to understand that hes in an unhealthy relationship. Parents may see through their sons girlfriend, but there are other red flags keep an eye on. In fact, I discovered later, the picture was taken several years earlier. Son's Girlfriend: The Big Mistake You Need to Avoid - Grown and Flown My sons girl friend hates us. Our son too has had freedom to go out with curfews till 18. But instead of staying near home with friends (he had burned bridges because of her)he ran back to the big city where he graduated, brought her with him and there is when she resumed prostitution. Both eyes open, we told him, if he wanted to avoid heartache later. Here are some ideas to lighten the mood and make her feel welcome. Lori Phillips (author) from Southern California USA on August 20, 2012: Oh, you're welcome. Thank you! Good luck. So the gift and dinner out with my mom and that I had planned were canceled. We don't see the spiritual powers at work, and this experience may be invaluable in building his character and life knowledge. Natalie B. justice advocate on Instagram: "I wasn't prepared for the No one likes to throw away love. Your son is going to college so he is working towards a goal. My advice is to show only love and kindness toward your sons and their girlfriends. Do you think that you might have over-controlled your son? The easiest way to break tension is to share a laugh. My sons girlfriend is always calling him names and is always angry. I have fought her tooth and nail ever since I found about her 8 months ago. She always says speaks positively about my whole family but I know exactly what is going on in the background. I have tried everything possible to promote my son and help me succeed professionally. massage overland park. I didn't smother her with love just showed her that she was special. Needy Nellie. Keep in mind there is a court appearance coming up. My son wants to tell me and he has an expectation that I should welcome her with open arms (she has never been welcome in my home). The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. Non-critical. Hi Doc, my Son is 18 and his girlfriend is the same age. My son met "Scarlet" (this is not her real name) about two and half years ago on line - Xbox. This is a difficult and heartbreaking challenge. I need advice very badly because I feel like Im loosing it. Cowboys Draft Longhorns LB: 'They Love My Effort!' I forgot to mention -- his girlfriend is moving away in June. If I were you, I would be humble enough to apologize to my son. Sadly, especially sons, they do break away at some point. Ask The Expert: My Partner's Teenagers Hate Me. What Do I Do? When he said that, then I reacted, I said why?.. Feel free to email me anytime to discuss. If Your Significant Other Doesn't Like Your Family, Here's What To Do I asked my son again, if she is his girlfriend, and said, no! A son is a son until he takes a wife is an apt saying.

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